Quarrel with Mom

This morning I had a quarrel with my mother whom I live with. This is how it happened:

I take my middle daughter to her kindergarten by bicycle every morning unless it rains. It was sunny this morning, and I went to kindergarten, carrying two of my daughters on my bike. (Does this sound weird? It is common in urban areas in Japan to have two kids' seats in front and back of a bicycle!) It is about a ten-minute ride one way.

When I came home with my youngest daughter in the front seat, my mother was at the back door of our house. I thought she had just finished taking out the trash but she had not. She was carrying a yellow kindergarten bag in her hand. I instantly knew that my daughter forgot to bring the bag to kindergarten. Both of us were careless. I felt stupid and thought about the trouble that it would be to go back to the kindergarten again.

I had already felt sorry, but my mother said something like, “What were you doing?” or “How can you be so careless?”. I don’t remember what she said, exactly, but it does not matter. What matters is that she said something not only unnecessary but also hurt my feeling. She sometimes does that, probably unconsciously. I had put up with those words maybe about five or six time recently. I thought I should not mention it, because she did not say it out of bad will. However, things were different this morning. I was somewhat under stress from things I need to do for my son’s PTA and was in a bad mood. I could not help snapping at her. I shouted at her, “Why would you say a thing like that when I am already sorry about it? What is the point of making someone feel worse when she is already feeling guilty ?” Uh oh.. I guess I was making a public announcement in my neighborhood. I cannot control the volume of my voice when I am really upset.

She told me not to shout like that because all the neighbors will hear me and it is just too embarrassing. I just kept yelling at her and rode back to the kindergarten with the yellow bag and my youngest daughter. Eventually, it was me who was wrong. I still think what she said was not nice. I will never ever emphasize my kids’ faults on the spot, because it just makes them feel worse and distracts them from reflecting on how it happened. If you want to mention it, you should do so later when you and the kids have recovered from the mistake and feel calm.
However, even with my mom’s inconsiderate action, it was me who was wrong in this morning’s case. You will end up losing your right position when you yell. I guess I need to learn anger management seriously. And I guess I should say sorry to her.

posted by あきやん Angie at 21:55| Comment(3) | TrackBack(1) | Parenting (English) | このブログの読者になる | 更新情報をチェックする
 最近聞いたオーディオブックで良さそうなのがあったのでよろしければ。”How to talk so Teens will listen & Listen so teens will talk” という本です。これは聞かんぼのティーンエイジャーとの接し方についての本なんだけど、人との接し方全般の本質を突いていると思いました。
anger control の本でいいのが見つかったら教えてくださいね〜。
Posted by yukomillennium at 2010年03月01日 23:01
 でも私はお姑さんと一緒の方がましなくらいけんかしますよ。 というか年とともに言い方や事のとらえ方が自己中心になっているようで(私もだろうけど)一緒には住めないわ。 双子を出産した後も大変だけど3週間で自宅に戻りました。 たまに手伝いに来てくれて顔を合わす分にはいいんだけど。

Posted by シドニー at 2010年03月02日 08:30


"How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk"を要約したものを読んでるんですよ!

anger management...
そのものずばりのものは探せてないけど、ほんと、How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talkの中でも、これは子供にだけじゃなく、人間関係一般にあてはまるなぁっていつもみんなで言ってます。




Posted by あきやん at 2010年03月02日 23:48
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